Without wood the fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down (Proverbs 26:20, NIV).
Friend to Friend:
A monster was sneaking into my yard in the dark of night and
devouring my prize plants. I never saw his beady eyes or heard his
pounding footsteps—just the aftermath of his destruction. He left a
trail of slime as he moved from plant to plant, leaving large gaping
holes in broad leaf gerbera daisies, gnawing entire velvety
trumpet-shaped blossoms on purple petunias, and reducing bushy begonias
to
naked stalks.
I asked a neighbor about my flowerbed’s demise, and she said, “You’ve got slugs.”
“Slugs!” I exclaimed. “The yard monster is a tiny little slug?”
“You can put out slug bait to catch them and see for yourself,” my confident neighbor continued.
I sprinkled slug bait all around the yard and then waited. The next
morning I viewed the “monsters” remains. The beasts were about a
quarter-inch long—about the size of my little toe nail.
How could something so small cause so much damage in such a short amount of time? I
mused. Then my mind thought of something else very small that can cause
enormous damage in a short amount of time… gossip. King Solomon wrote,
“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s
inmost parts”(Proverbs 18:8). Just as one tiny slug can destroy an
entire flowerbed, so can one tiny morsel of gossip destroy a person’s
reputation, mar one’s character, and devour a friendship. And they both
leave slimy trails.
In the South we have this knack for making gossips
sound…almost nice. All you have to do is add “bless her heart” to the
end of the sentence. It goes like this: “Susie gained fifty pounds with
that last pregnancy, bless her heart.” “Marcy’s husband ran off with his
secretary, bless her heart.” “I heard Clair yelling at the postman
yesterday, bless her heart.” But all the “bless her hearts” don’t make
mask what it really is…gossip.
Solomon wrote,“Whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9). Charles Allen, the author of G
ods’ Psychiatry observed:
“Those of great minds discuss ideas, people of mediocre minds discuss
events, and those of small minds discuss other people.” Maybe if we are
spending our time talking about people, we need to fill our minds with
better material such as good
books, The Bible, or other reading material (and I don’t mean People
Magazine).
What exactly is gossip? Webster defines gossip as ”easy, fluent,
trivial talk, talk about people behind their backs.” It is repeating
information about another person’s private affairs. If you have to look
around to make sure that no one can hear what you are saying, you are
probably gossiping. If you would not say what you’re saying in front of
the person you are talking about, then you’re probably gossiping.
I’ve often heard the phrase, “
knowledge is power.”
Perhaps that is why gossip is so appealing. It suggests a certain
amount of power because “I have the inside scoop.” But gossip is not
power. On the contrary it shows a lack of power…lack of self-control.
But it takes two to tango the gossip dance. “Without wood the fire
goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Proverbs 26:20). The
Bible tells us to make every effort to avoid gossipers (Proverbs 20:19).
A good
rule of thumb is if you are not part of the problem or part of the solution, then keep the information to yourself.
One day a woman felt overwhelmed with guilt over her years of
malicious gossip. She went to the local priest and confessed her sin.
The priest was all too aware of her wagging tongue and had experienced
the sting of her words first hand…or rather second hand.
“What can I do to rectify all the damage I have caused with my gossip?” she asked.
“Gather a bag of feathers,” he began. “Then go around to each house and place a feather at their door.”
That seemed like a simple enough request, so the woman did just as
the priest had instructed. After the task was complete, she returned. “I
have done what you requested,” she said. “Now what am I to do?”
“Now
go back and retrieve each of the feathers,” he replied.
“That is impossible,” the woman argued. “The wind will have blown them all around town by now.”
“Exactly,” replied the wise priest. “Once you have spoken an ill
word, it drifts through the air on wings of gossip, never to be
retrieved. God has forgiven you, as you have asked. But I cannot remove
the consequences of your hurtful words or gather them from the places
they have landed.”
Here’s an idea. If a friend approaches you with some “news” or a “concern” about another person,
stop
and ask, “May I quote you on what you’re about to tell me?” That will
usually “put a lid” on the conversation before it even begins.
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